Process vs. Product — ahimsa by nature

In a product driven society, we are constantly looking for the end result. We are often dissatisfied with the present situation; not realizing that this too is all part of the process.

Good Morning!

This past weekend, 26-28 August 2016, was my first teaching experience held over a weekend rather than just an hour. The duration of a weekend vs. and hour is tremendous. You are in it, and you have to stay in it.

The location is about 3 hours from Boulder, Colorado. 31-Mile Ranch, located in Guffey, Colorado is literally in the middle of nowhere. My GPS is freaking out, I have no service, my car speedometer is going out, I am nervous about my first weekend gig, my anxiety is creeping in.

I am going by myself, to the middle of nowhere, to meet people I have only talked on the phone to. I am a single, young woman going camping by myself. I have a pack, a tent, trail shoes, a sleeping bag, and food. I'm ready and its going to be okay..

I think..

26 AUGUST 2016

I finally find the place and it is going on 10pm. I arrive and what do you know, there is another solo female putting up her tent! Immediate friends, we camp together. Independent women, going on business adventures.

I knew this business adventure was promoting responsible use of cannibis out in nature. I love nature, I love yoga, and I have smoked before. I figured there would be a little pot involved but..

my goodness..

Anything that you can imagine, it was there. Dabs, edibles, CBD oil, the highest quality flower, hash. Cannabis was in everything: food, liquid, wax, oil. The glass, quartz, titanium pieces were of all shapes and sizes. All of them were incredibly beautiful.

They offer me a dab, which I had never tried before. I just moved to legal Colorado from the south east where anything cannabis is very illegal. They set it up for me. I am holding a glass and quartz pig. They heat up the quartz piece with a blow torch, let it sit, and then use a magic want to dip the wax and dab it in. I inhale..

Instantly, I am so high. We explore the property, talk around the campfire, gaze at the stars. All is well and I drift to my tent and pass out.

27 August 2016

I wake up, immediately they offer me a dab, I take it, they offer me another dab, I take it. They offer me an edible, I take it. Another dab, I take it. I take all responsibility for how fucked I was. I should have known that I am not some super woman hella smoker. I am a smaller female that works out all of the time, who hardly ever uses any kind of substance. Too much sugar or caffeine, my body system freaks out. I should have listened to my body, I know my body. I got so caught up in the moment, forgetting that I was with cannabis professionals, who's body systems are used to this.

Before I know it, it is 1:00pm, and I am sitting at a table, dehydrated, and wayyyy tooo fucked up. I have to teach yoga at 5:00pm! WHAT. THE. FUCK. AM I GOING TO DO?! My eyes are heavy. I am getting tunnel vision. Everything turns red. I wake up probably 10 minutes later, realize how serious this is and float to my tent. I am questioning myself, asking myself why the fuck did I do that? Pissed off, freaking out, and anxious, I lay down and luckily my camelbak mouthpiece is right by my face. I sip water, just laying there, and fall asleep for three hours. I wake up, feeling better than I was, but still immensely high.

When I am uncomfortable, I clam up and keep to myself, so no one even realizes that anything is wrong. I just tell them that I am tired and had to take a nap. Little do they know that my entire existence is melting red.

My yoga class is on communication and creativity, lol. The throat chakra... Why does this keep happening?

I meditate on these thematic concepts, intensely practice them in my daily life, and then on the day to teach, I totally bomb my own theme. . . I didn't listen to my body, I didn't communicate how I was feeling. I felt like shit, but I still want to teach.. I want people to connect, be in their bodies, and interact with others.

How can I take the attention off of how I am feeling and give them a worthwhile experience collectively?

Partner work.

The moon is rising, we are practicing Moon Salutation. My man, Johnny Blue is playing loud and clear. People are smoking in Goddess Pose. This is magical. I realize that we are all in this together.

It is okay. I am okay.

We practice weight sharing, partner balancing, and rolling points of contact. People are laughing. Mid balance, a dude throws a joint to another dude, dude catches it. Everyone cheers. Its rad. Shavasana is long and the vibe is chill.

I know that people enjoyed moving their bodies but I am still over-analytical because I know I wasn't 100%. I metaphorically wash my hands of the situation and change out of my yoga clothes.

I attend a group discussion on the benefits of CBD oil. CBD, or cannabidiol, is one of about 60 compounds found in cannibis that belong to a class of molecules called cannabinoids. The results are endless. CBD is non-psychoactive, unlike THC, CBD does not get you high. CBD prevents nausea and suppresses seizures. CBD also combats inflammation, cancer cells, anxiety, and depression.

CBD actually represses the negative effects of THC, which I had clearly experienced earlier in the day.

After this discussion, I give CBD a try. I only take 10mg. In about half an hour, I feel myself gradually coming down and my anxiety dissipating.

Relief!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

I start to feel like myself again, naturally social and wanting to connect with others rather than hiding in my tent. I tell @InfiniteCBD how thankful I am. He gives me a whole canister of capsules for free.

What an experience.

I learned about myself. I learned that:
1) No matter the circumstance, do you.
2) My body likes to be natural
3) No matter the circumstance, do you.

The remainder of the night was a blast. I was cured of my red melt. I made so many friends. I went on a night hike, saw a snake, heard owls, heard coyotes, sat around a fire talking, connecting, laughing with like minded people until about 4am.

I made up my mind that tomorrow will be great.

28 August 2016

I wake up to a drizzly, cool Sunday morning. The wind is fresh and crisp. I hear the chatter of people packing up their tents, getting ready for the day, eating breakfast, waking and baking, hanging out by the morning fire. I make an announcement that morning yoga will begin with a brief meditation. Anyone that wants to come to meditation does not have to stay for the asana flow.

I head down to a little spot where the grass is muddy, the mountains are vivid, and the stream is singing behind me. I lay out my yoga mat, close my eyes, and then open them again.. seeing all the beauty that my mind chatter made me overlook yesterday. I am about to teach YOGA out here!! I am completely sober, I feel amazing, I am captivated by gratitude. I close my eyes once again. Inhale the love I feel for myself and all of the CannaCrew. I exhale out the experience of yesterday. I inhale the good vibrations that today has to offer. I exhale and let go of any expectation I have for this class. I hear people approaching. I stay in my pre-class meditation, holding space for others to find their own breath.

10:00 AM arrives. I see the beautiful open minds that have decided to begin their day with mindful heart-opening, loving-kindness meditation. Only the sounds of the day are present: the trickling water, insects, birds, and nearby pasture of cows. Some people leave after the meditation, getting what they needed, and part ways with peace. The remaining cluster stays for warm sun salutations via a morning vinyasa practice. By the end of our practice, the sun is peeping out from the clouds and falling on our skin. We summoned the sun with our love vibrations and heart openings. (:

This class, organic in entirety, made my entire being so happy. By far to this day, my favorite class that I have ever taught. Out in nature, mentally prepared, with loving and supportive people. I'll never forget this experience. I learned. I lived. The day was concluded by cliff diving, a bear sighting, and a final meal together in Guffey, Colorado. These people, their knowledge, their openness, their vibes.. are forever treasured!

The overall process of this entire adventure was such a wave of inspiration for growth in my teaching. I am overjoyed that I have the opportunity to share my process. The awesome thing is that we ALL have the opportunity to share our process, share our gift, share who we really are.. if we just allow ourselves to.

Yes, this experience was heavy, light, scary, and joyful; but I learned. Failure is only failure when you aren't aware of the growth process. There are little treasures sprinkled within every single situation. Breathe. Feel. Allow. Create Space. Experience. Learn. Flourish. We are all alive process beings, so embrace it and be alive.

As always, we ALL are : AHIMSABYNATURE.

love.love.love. Namaste(:

Thank you to all the awesome photographers for capturing this event!